1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
