I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
