I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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