we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
