I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize