dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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