I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
