Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
