and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
