i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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