Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize