i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
