You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
