Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
