New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
