heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
