somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Buhtt sex?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
