well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
