Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
