You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Blood and glitter go together right?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
