I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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