I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
