I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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