she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
