it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
