I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
