he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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