Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
