eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have aggressive nipples.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
