chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found your dick twin last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
