dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
