So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
