i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
