he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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