Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
