I want to have your abortion
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
