guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
