I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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