there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
