I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
