we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
