Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
