Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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