I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
