I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
