Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
