Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize