I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My vagina just recognized that song.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
