I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
