i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
