i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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