I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
