I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm like, not good at living.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize