Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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