just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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