Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
