when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
