I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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