cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
