Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
