Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
