He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
