Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
