Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
