i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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