What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just invented taco cereal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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